Friday, December 18, 2009

The real meaning of Christmas!

I have always loved the Christmas season, it's my favorite time of the year! I mean, what's not to love? The lights, the tree, the PRESENTS!!

I grew up in a Christian home and I always knew the real reason for Christmas. We were told the story of Jesus many times by our parents, Sunday school teacher, pastors, but it was easy to get caught up in the presents and Santa Claus.

As a kid, we didn't believe in Santa in our house, my parents always made it a point to tell us that my Dad was Santa! LOL And when our presents had written, "From: Santa" we knew who they were really from.

I wouldn't say I'm an extremely selfish person, but all of my life part of the excitement of Christmas, for me, was surrounded by opening the presents on Christmas day!

This year something has changed in me, although I still feel the excitement seeing the lights and decorating the tree, the presents are not important to me.

The past 5 years have been a whirlwind, a roller coaster of ups and downs and somehow through all of that I kinda became numb, the passion that I once had was dwindling.
Over the last year the Lord has brought me back to the beginning, I found an intense need for more of His presence! The more I got into His presence, the more time I spent with Him, the more I started feeling my passion return!
(I know, you're saying, "what does this have to do with Christmas?")
But the thing is, I feel like a different person!

This year Christmas is here and, I know it sounds silly but, I don't want any presents! That's huge for me!! Haha! All that I care about this year is making my family happy and serving my husband, who has served me non-stop for years without complaining!

I want to sacrifice for the ones I love! HE sacrificed for us, isn't it the least we can do for others?

This year, all I want for Christmas is more of the Lord, more of the Lord for my family! To walk in the goodness and the blessings HE has for us! I don't want to ignore His gift for me just for the new cashmere sweater under the tree!

I am SO thankful for the true gift we were given and the real reason we celebrate this season!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

More Than Enough

I recently learned something that God has been trying to teach me for quite some time now. I have been the type of person that looks to others for approval, validation, appreciation...
When the person I was wanting that from, didn't give it to me, I felt crushed, depressed even...feeling that, yet again I failed.

All of my life I've heard people say, the only person you need to concern yourself with is God, 30 years and I'm finally getting it!

I thought of this song...

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough


He is everything we could possibly need, yet at times we only ask Him of the things that seem impossible for us.

For me I felt like I needed someone to say, "you are going to make it", "you're doing the right thing", "your dreams will come true"...."You ARE good enough"!
But He is and has been saying that to me, I just wasn't listening!

He is the validator, the encourager, the comforter, the friend, the daddy!
He will NEVER, NEVER fail you! Did you hear that?? He will NEVER fail you!!


"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

If we could just learn to lean on Him completely it would change us, in ways we can't even imagine!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

A Love Undecribable

I had to put down in words something that I've been thinking about a lot.

Recently I was talking to someone about a song called "How he loves" and the second verse came up in conversation and this person was bothered by it and it was clear that they didn't really understand the meaning of it.

It says,

"We are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the Grace in His eyes, if Grace is an ocean, we're all sinking. So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest. I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He LOVES US!"

When I heard this song for the first time it rocked me! The way this writer describes the LOVE of God....WOW!!

He loves us SO much that He gives us Grace and MERCY when we don't really deserve it!

When I think about that conversation, and conversations with other people that I've had, where they thought people were weird when they were going crazy in worship, I think that just maybe they have never felt His love in that way, the way that makes you not want to hold anything back from Him.

David said in 2 Samuel 6:22, "And I will be even more undignified than this, and will be humble in my own sight."
I want to be undignified! I don't want to hold my praise back from Him!

What would happen if you ignored your spouse when they were trying to show you that they loved you, what would happen if, in public, you ignored your spouse while they were trying to love on you.
The love of God can't come close to comparing to any earthly love, but we hold back in worship, we make sure we look good, after all, we don't want to look stupid.

For a few years, I got caught up in worship as songs and music, although, at the time I thought I was giving my all. Just recently, I realized that I was holding back and it hit me hard! I decided right then and there that I was not going to hold back any longer, I was going to worship with ALL that is in me! Let me tell you something, since I made that decision I have had the most amazing time with the Lord! I feel His love in such a new way, it reminds me of my early years, when I was on fire for God, and I wonder, how did I go on so long without it!?!
This love that I feel, it's pretty amazing! I've lost all inhibitions!

One little story to finish this off....
The other day, I was listening to "Happy Day" from Jesus Culture, on my earphones in the subway station while I was waiting for the train, I couldn't help myself, I started bouncing around the platform, I was dancing in the subway!! LOL
And no, I wasn't all by myself, but I just didn't care what anyone thought of me! :) When I got on the train, I noticed this guy with earphones on, staring at me strange. Then I notice him reach down and blare his music, then he starts singing loud. When we get out of the train at my stop he bounces out in front of me and tries to beat me up the stairs.
I have no idea why he felt the need to compete! LOL (my music wasn't even loud enough for him to hear!)
But anyway, knowing that he'd seen me dancing around didn't bother me at all, in fact, it kinda made me happy!

Fear can cripple you and keep you from what God has for you....I'm no longer afraid.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

New Painting

So, I love to blog but I tend to forget to do it regularly! Haha!

My latest painting I did for a coffeeshop. I'm so excited! They are going to hang my painting up for the month of November!

Here it is...

October 7, 2009
Entitled ~ Splendor

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Fun for me, turns to blessings for others!

I'm so excited!
Recently, a friend was posting pictures of paintings that she had done and I was looking at them and I started to miss painting...I haven't taken classes, but when I was younger my Dad kinda taught me how and let me paint with him.
So I thought, "you know, I've always loved to paint and I should just pick it up again!" So I started to paint...at first, everyday...and I LOVE it!!

Last week I was hanging out with a friend and she was telling about the things that God has been speaking to her. She said God has been showing her trees and speaking to her about roots. At the end of the day we were heading to the train and I felt like I was supposed to paint her a picture of a tree...okaaay, but I really had never painted a tree, why not, it could be fun. Then the picture of a keyhole popped into my head...so I got excited! Even though I didn't know how it was going to turn out, I felt like I was supposed to do it! As soon as I got home I got to work on it!
This is how it turned out...



Even though I didn't think it turned out AMAZING, I did what I was supposed to do, and it spoke volumes to her...it was exactly what God wanted to show her!

Sunday, I was talking to a friend about my paintings and she asked me to do one for her. I got excited again...hey, what more could I ask for, a new experience to try something different.

This time I sat down and before I touched my brush to the canvas I said a little prayer... Lord, speak through my brush, move my brush where you want it, that I may create something that you want for her.

I turned on some worship and put it on shuffle, when the song started playing I felt like I heard, "paint to this song, this song is for her" When I began to paint I felt as though the brush was dancing, I could almost hear laughter as I painted...I felt overwhelming joy! As I painted I started hearing words for her and when I was done I rushed to write it down!
Here is hers...



Looking at this makes me so happy, not because of what it looks like, but because it is how God sees her!

That was the first time that I have ever done a prophetic painting, it felt SO good!!

When I gave it to her she told me that it was spot on, that's how she'd been feeling...man, the Lord is good!

I can't wait to pick up my brush again, I'm excited to see what new thing the Lord will help me create!

It's kind of strange, I started painting again to get rid of some of my boredom and to make myself feel good and in this process the Lord blesses other people!
And actually...that blesses me in ways I can't even describe!!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

A Friend...In All Seasons!

Friendship can be a touchy subject...only because everyone has their own view of what being a friend really looks like.

Some people see being a friend as hanging out when you can and having a good time...maybe someone to talk to. Some people even see having one as a benefit for themselves and don't really even expect anything in return.

For me, friendship is a privilege...not to just receive from another person, but a privilege to sacrifice, to be completely selfless, to show someone, who doesn't expect it, that you have love and respect for them.

I've had a couple of moments in the past week or so that came up where I just showed I cared and the person was surprised. I probably have a certain amount of people that I have built relationships with that are the closest to me, but then there are people that I truly care about and I've never really had much of a chance to spend anytime with them.

For me, if I really care about you, you can call me a friend....whether we regularly spend time together or not, you could call on me if you needed something....anytime really.

But it doesn't stop there....I think friendship is something that doesn't waver, a friend should be a friend in any circumstance, no matter what situation you're going through, you don't just stop being a friend.

Recently, because I'm pregnant people have brought that up...."oh but you're pregnant, you can't help me right now" well why not, I won't stop being a friend or acting the way a friend should just because I'm pregnant.

I've learned that it gives me so much joy to be a selfless friend...
I believe a friend, a true friend is one in any season...good or bad.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Crossroads at 27 Weeks ~ Current Mood: Indecisive

So I'm 27 weeks pregnant with my second child and I'm definitely finding this pregnancy more challenging than the first. I remember, while I was pregnant with my first I was in bliss, happy with every moment.
It's been an experience to be pregnant again and have everything so different than the first....you learn new things about your body that you didn't know before.

With my first we wanted to do it all naturally, we had a midwife and planned to have her at home. For us this was not a new concept, my sisters had their children at home without complications, that was 9 home births I personally knew about, I has no worries that it would be just as easy for me. I went into labor at 6pm and everything was great! When it came time to push there was no hesitation for me, I was ready and determined to do this. For the next 4 hours I pushed, not only that but I was giving it my all, trying everything I needed to to make it happen. It was a surprise to my husband and I when all of my hard work went without success...in those 4 hours Syd had only moved 1 centimeter.
When they said that we needed to go to the hospital I had no problem with it, I really just wanted my daughter to be safe. In the end the decision was made that an emergency c-section was needed.
After all of this time, I don't regret any of it....I had an experience that you could never duplicate.

Now, I've come to a place where I must make a decision....I'm 27 weeks and I must decide whether I want to try a VBAC or have another c-section.
For both there are risks. With a VBAC the risks are to the baby and it's chance to live. With the C-Section, the risks are to me and my recovery.

I have to tell you, in all of the things I've ever decided on, this has to be the hardest.